Don’t worry – be happy.
There is a movement afoot in the world. It’s all about being happy. Happy you ask? How silly, really, to think about being happy as if we have some actual, internal control over our own happiness. After all, isn’t being happy something that just happens to us? Turns out, it’s not!
In fact, as a coach you may find yourself working with clients who want just a little bit more happiness in their life. Some focus on the next big promotion, some on giving back to their community. Still others in finding balance between the excessive email inbox, and the completely unplugged vacation in the Bahamas. Really, though, happiness is all around us. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project suggests that with planned and thoughtful intention one can increase feelings of happiness. So I tried it. For one week I asked myself “What makes me happy?” and then I made sure to do at least one thing every day that put a smile on my face. I discovered that not only was I happier, but everyone around me was happier too! How fantastic. My husband was smiling more. My daughter was humming in the shower. Okay, now to apply it to my profession. I began asking clients “what makes you happy?” The answers were often different and always fascinating. Every person I asked took control in some way for noticing, and then acting upon their own happiness. Early results show that as they became happier so did everyone around THEM!
Yep, it’s a movement all right. One well worth expanding on. So it’s your turn now.
What makes YOU happy?
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Curiosity as a Navigational Device
One of the best ways to stay stuck, to be fussy, and to feel frustrated is to see life as a problem to be solved. An either/or or a right/wrong paradigm of perspective is quite limiting, and it guarantees stress. Unfortunately, many of us were raised to search for the one right way to answer a question, or the only way to address–excuse me– to solve a situation.
The ability to judge, to discern, to assess and to conclude are all essential qualities and they are important for adults to possess. However, maybe it is time to give some thought to how we think!
As they lament about their workplace struggles, some of my coaching clients have heard me observe, “The problem with being a good problem solver is that everything looks like a problem!” These good folks want to assist their colleagues and their direct reports by fixing what they perceive needs fixing. However, they are met with resistance, with defensiveness, and with non-cooperation.
Rather than as problems to be solved, what is another way to look at the issues and challenges at work, at home, and in life?
One of the best ways to extricate oneself from this dynamic of “I’m right, you’re wrong” is to shift from being the expert to being the curious learner. When you resist the impulse to fix, you immediately succeed in removing the other person’s fearful and reflexive defensiveness. When you address the issue (remember: address it, don’t fix it!) you can employ new language, too.
Some suggested new phrases for your curiosity lexicon include:
• “hmmmmm, isn’t that interesting!”
• “What do you think?”
• “What else is important to consider?”
• “I wonder what we haven’t thought about yet…”
• “Who else could help us address this?”
• “What should we be sure NOT to do?”
Trying to NOT fix things might be hard (or it might feel like a relief!). You may fear your value to your workplace may evaporate, especially if you have defined yourself as the problem solver. Remember, you are YOU, and being a problem solver is but a skill, not an identity. Additionally, “problem-solvers” can carry the additional reputation as “know-it-all” or “ridged,” so that identity could be more of a hindrance than you might have realized.
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Who Is My Audience?
I recently saw a well-known company’s new ad campaign for the first time. And while I thought it was creative and well-executed, I couldn’t help but think that it likely wouldn’t resonate with 75% of their target audience. And while that in itself is a big problem, a bigger problem came to mind…not only would the campaign likely not resonate with that large and substantial majority of their audience, but it might actually offend or push some of them away altogether.
Obviously, I doubt pushing existing or potential clients away is that company’s intent. However, it reminds us of a very important question we all need to ask at times…
“who is my audience?”
Whether you’re an organization unleashing a new ad campaign or a leader trying to influence a call to action, it’s important to know and understand your audience. You might have the greatest idea in the world but if you aren’t able to pitch it in a way that appeals to your audience, then it becomes a wasted effort.
Leadership is about influence. And in order to influence, you must be able to connect with your audience. Once you’ve identified your audience, consider their demographic profile to make sure you’re connecting on a relatable level. Try to identify potential problems with your approach up front so that you can correct ahead of time. If you think your message could possibly alienate or offend a portion of your audience, stop and adjust.
The next time you find your leadership influence isn’t influencing, stop and ask yourself, “who is my audience?”
Can you think of a time where your message wasn’t effective, or you got into trouble, because you weren’t in tune with your audience?
Follow me on Twitter: @adammorris21 | Add me on Google+: gplus.to/AdamMorris21
The Truth About Coaching
Casting a Critical Eye on Coaching must-read article on executive coaching in Chief Learning Officer magazine. This strongly supports everything we know to be true about coaching in organizations and thus our methodology and approach.
Their short story: There are proven benefits to coaching as a leadership development tool if engagements are structured, transparent and their effectiveness measured.
Our short story:
- The coach is only as good as the players’ readiness, willingness and ability to shift and grow. Coaching is best used to help good people be great, not to stabilize the “problem people.”
- The goals for coaching must be crystal clear for coach, client and organization to know if it has been successful.
- Coaching is an extremely broad and multi-purpose tool – like a Swiss army knife – and the task at hand must be clearly defined so the right tool can be deployed. And as great as a Swiss Army Knife is, sometimes you need a wrench, meaning: coaching is not right for everyone all of the time.
- There are ways for the correct people in the organization to get good information about the coaching without betraying confidentiality. It takes a little work and a lot of finesse – for more information on this go to Ace Coaching Alliances.
We have devoted our lives to coaching and we are thrilled that the information about how to best leverage it in organizations is becoming more and more clear!
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Why Coaching…?
Coaching leads to insight…motivation…direction…action…achievement…success…peace of mind!
A coach creates the space that allows you to tackle your fears and biggest challenges into a manageable plan.
A coach will champion you to stretch beyond your limits and comfort area to gain greater satisfaction.
A coach inspires you to dream (inside and outside of the workplace)!
A coach will be your confidant who speaks simply truths.
A coach’s agenda is YOU achieving your goals.
As a coach, it is extremely rewarding to observe clients develop beyond their own expectations.
As a client, my coach has helped me overcome some of my assumed constraints, which lead me to become a certified Coach!
Why coaching…Why not?
It is about more than achieving the goal
Goal setting is a basic part of any success methodology. We set small goals and big ones – and sometimes even HUGE goals But what happens once the goal is achieved? Do we stop and celebrate? Do we stop and take time to think about the journey we have just taken? Or do we move on to the next goal? I recently achieved one of those HUGE goals, three years in the making. My first reaction was relief. I was finally done. But then I started thinking about all the other things I wanted to achieve and I jumped right into planning and thinking about my next big goal. I had failed completely to do two critical things. The first was to celebrate. After all a three year effort is surely worth some hoopla. Okay. Party planned. The second thing I failed to do was take the time to think about the journey itself. Often the most important part of achieving a goal is the experiences we collect, the people we meet and the things we learn along the way. What do you remember most about the last goal you achieved? How will you apply what you learned? Who did you meet along the way that influenced you, changed you, or made you think in a new way? Goal setting isn’t just about achieving a goal. It is also about the journey. Where are you going next?
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#Positivity at Work
The entire January/February 2012 HBR issue was dedicated to “The Value of Happiness – How Employee Well-being Drives Profits.” Why? Because a whopping 69% of employees believe their employers don’t inspire the best in them…and only 5% of workers strongly agree that their organizations help them build richer personal relationships.
Because workers spend more time weekly with work peers than with family and friends, creating positive workplaces makes sense! Positive workplaces enable life-long service, joy, and success. What can be done to shift from dire to inspired?
Taking their advice, I opened the book and found tweet 35:
Start your meetings off right by getting people into a thanksgiving mindset. Have team members share one thing they’re grateful for today.
The shift that occurs is palpable!
• It makes people SLOW DOWN and that in itself is a gift in a busy day.
• Also, teammates need to really listen to hear what will be said—instead of “presuming” what a colleague will report.
• Finally, an attitude of gratitude fosters goodwill, cooperation, and greater productivity.
Give it a try! For more information, please visit their website at: http://www.positivity-works.com/
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learning and growth is not an option
I have always believed the idea that you must grow and learn to continue to add value and, simply to keep up with the changes going on around us. Change is constant in organizations. Unfortunately there are many organizational examples where change is not embraced. Who ever thought that Kodak and film would become obsolete? Did you predict Blockbuster would lose customers to a new and no-name business called Netflix? Is Netflix in danger of losing customers to the access people have to view and rent movies online? Ken Blanchard, along with Mark Miller, in their new book, Great Leaders Grow,
describes the importance of “gaining knowledge” as one of the most important game changers for leaders. I agree. What are you doing to set yourself up to meet the new challenges happening in business? Where do you need to stretch your thinking? How do you keep up with a growing and changing market? It can be overwhelming to consider that growth and learning is a key to success and if you embrace and lean into it, it will become a new way of living.
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Seeing Through The Mist
Several years ago, I found myself walking on the Great Wall outside of Beijing. Beside me was a young man who was assigned to be my guide. It was a beautiful day beginning with a misty morning. I kept stopping and looking out over the wall. At one point as we stood and gazed over the misty mountains, I sensed that there was something much bigger happening, something much bigger that I was seeing. Indeed, there was.
As I gazed into the mist with my guide, I realized that coaching is a lot like standing with leaders or colleagues or direct reports as they look over the horizon. I couldn’t clearly see what was out there. Many times, neither can they. There’s often a mist that prevents us from seeing clearly. The “mist” may be the challenge of competing priorities, or the impact if an important decision is made, or the stories that people will make up once a difficult announcement occurs.
Standing there, looking into the mist, I was so glad to have my guide with me. He gave me information that helped us determine which fork of the Great Wall to take. He let me know how far we had come and what was ahead. At one point, he suggested that I slow down to avoid a particularly uneven section of the wall. Although I didn’t like that suggestion at all, I appreciated his honest feedback that my pace might need to change.
Throughout the day, we walked together, talking and discussing ideas and options. We covered a lot of ground. I learned about myself and about him and about the journey we were on.
At the end of the day, I realized it was a deeply satisfying journey, and the mist had cleared.
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Be Your Own Coach By Becoming A Journalist
In their book, Coaching in Organizations: Best Coaching Practices from The Ken Blanchard Companies, Madeleine Homan and Linda Miller define coaching as follows:
“Coaching is a deliberate process using focused conversations to create an environment for individual growth, purposeful action, and sustained improvement.”
To help initiate and guide these conversations, coaches use a series of targeted, thought-provoking questions. These questions are intended to assist the coaching client down a path of self-discovery and self-improvement. Therefore, one can conclude that great coaches ask great questions.
Even if you are already working with a coach, there will inevitably be moments in time (be it work or personal) where you will want or need to coach yourself. You may face an issue that requires immediate action and can’t wait for your next appointment with your coach. Or, perhaps you’re dealing with some smaller issues that you feel aren’t a good use of your time with your coach. Of course, those smaller issues that cause feelings of overwhelment have a way of quickly becoming larger issues if you let them fester over time.
If you are not a trained coach, just the thought of coaching yourself might cause you feelings of overwhelment. So, if you’re not a great coach who is trained to ask great questions, you need a simple framework to get you started. The one that I use was introduced to me while in journalism classes back in my grade school days.
The primary responsibility of a journalist is to capture and report the complete story. To make sure they achieve this, they rely on a basic concept most commonly referred to as The Five Ws (and one H). By adopting and implementing this simple concept you can set the context to begin coaching yourself through practically any situation.
- Who? - Who are the stakeholders? Who’s involvement is required? Who can I go to for help?
- What? – What problem am I attempting to solve? What else do I need to consider? What help do I need?
- Where? – Where is the issue unfolding? Where do I, and/or other stakeholders, need to be? Where can I go for help?
- When? – When does action need to take place? When do stakeholders need to be notified? When should I ask for help?
- Why? – Why is this an issue? Why are certain individuals involved? Why do I need help?
- How? – How did this issue arise? How will the issue be resolved? How will I reach out for help?
It is important to note that these are questions that cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no” response. This leads to deeper reflection and furthering the conversation. With this framework in place, you should be well positioned to coach yourself through your issue and/or better prepared to discuss the issue in further detail with your coach.
What other tips or tricks do you use to coach yourself when the need arises?
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