Why Is Your Tummy So Big? (4 Factors for a Powerful Question)

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Adam Morris

(Editor’s Note: This is not the author’s tummy.)

I’ve always battled with my weight. This last year has been especially tough as I’ve had to take a break from my other career (as a prolific goal scorer in adult recreational soccer leagues) due to nagging injuries that have turned into chronic injuries. I started playing almost 30 years ago and haven’t had any significant periods away from the game until now. The wear and tear has caught up with my knees and ankles.

When you’ve got chronic pain in your knees and ankles, getting regular aerobic exercise is a challenge. It hurts to walk, let alone to go for a jog or a run. Exercise for me has always been specific to the sport I’m playing. Take away the sport and I don’t get enough exercise. Take away the exercise and my clothes fit tighter than they should be.

I’ve been telling myself that I need to do something. Yeah, tomorrow I’ll do something. Of course, tomorrow soon turns into yesterday, then last week, then last month, and here I am still sitting in my recliner. So one night while I’m sitting there with my 5-year-old son, he turns to me and asks, “Dada, why is your tummy so big?”

As soon as the words left his lips, my wife chuckled and then got embarrassed for me. I initially had a similar reaction. Kids say the darndest things…often when you least expected or are prepared for them. During my pause to think about how to respond, I realized he’d asked an incredibly powerful question. For his purposes, I used it as a teaching moment and answered it with a simple statement about the importance of a healthy diet and exercise, and that I needed to get better at both.

The answer I gave him was good enough for him, but it wasn’t good enough for me. Like most Dads, I want to be a superhero in my son’s eyes. And, I don’t want my alter-ego to be “Flabby Man.” So his question got me off the recliner and moved me into action. I did some research on local gyms and will be signing up for one this week…let the journey begin.

Upon further reflection, here are four factors that made his question so powerful:

The Person Delivering the Question. There’s built in credibility. He looks up to me and I don’t want to disappoint. Most importantly, there’s an established positive relationship.
It Lacked Judgement. Consider the alternative that most of us are used to hearing…“have you lost weight?” Which is roughly the equivalent of saying, “you were fat and I can’t tell if you’re any less fat than you used to be.” The best questions are those that aren’t judgmental, accusatory, or have hidden agendas. I honestly don’t know if my son loves my big tummy or is disgusted by it, he just wanted to know why it is the way it is. But…
It Caused Me To Think. I was pushed to examine the factors behind the issue in question. And…
It Motivated Me Into Action. After voicing the factors that led to the issue, I was motivated to consider the solutions and to act on them.

Good coaching sometimes comes when you least expect it and from those you least expect it to come from. Out of the mouths of babes.

Follow me on Twitter: @adammorris21 | Add me on Google+: gplus.to/AdamMorris21

Spring Cleaning

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Mary Ellen Sailer

Everyone has incomplete projects. Perhaps it is sorting the recycling from last year. Cleaning the storage area. Fixing the bicycle. Submitting the expense report. The question is: is there a reason it is incomplete, (i.e. you have scheduled time to do it, with a plan for an end date) or is it just not done?

In addition to projects, it is normal to have unresolved matters, too. Relationships require both give and take from both parties. But…well, you know what I am going to ask. Have you done what YOU can do regarding the unresolved situation? Or are you just walking around it, wishing it would go away, or holding your breath that the “issue” at least stays dormant until you get somewhere else?

Carrying around old, unresolved matters and incomplete projects takes a lot of your energy. I contend that it takes much more than you’ve allowed yourself to realize! Imagine an old resentment as a 5 lb bag of flour you are carrying around. And the unpainted hallway, the phone calls you owe, the un-filed taxes, the clothes strewn across the floor are each a 5 lb sack to carry, too. Imagine all your other “incompletions” too, and how each is an additional 5 lb bag. Envision how you have to maneuver with these bags. Perhaps you need to tie them together, hoist them from one arm to the other. You need to repair some if you’ve dragged them on the ground for a long time, since they are starting to tear. You’re carrying a lot…do you need to get a wagon? You have to stop to rest, frequently, from the weariness of the weight, but invariably, you still keep adding more bags. Ugh.

You can develop the skills to clean it all up, completely. The ultimate goal is to be clean and clear, so that you may fully handle new situations as they occur. Don’t you want the benefit of more time, more space and more energy?

Make a list of all your incompletions…from home, from work, and in your relationships, too. Consider your environments (house, car, office): what is undone? What’s incomplete in your activities (membership dues? Car pool schedule?) Think about your well-being (how new is that toothbrush? When was the last time you had a checkup?)

One concept that completely captivated me when I began my coach training over a dozen years ago is the distinction between doing something 95% and doing it 100%. The extra oomph is significant! The satisfaction of completely handling a project or an issue is worth reveling in. Try it yourself. Rather than attempting to do a little bit of some of the things on your incompletion list, do one COMPLETELY.

Be thorough. Imagine what it would take to not only complete the task, but to ensure it won’t recur for a long time. What is required?
Delight yourself. Sometimes, to be sure, “done is better than not done.” But for this exercise, do it to delight yourself! If you’re sorting your vintage collection of vinyl records, what order would delight YOU? Alpha, or by artist? By year, or by genre? Go ahead, completely delight yourself!
Make it permanent. Is what you’re doing to clean up this past unresolved issue a “quick fix,” or can it be repeated and systematized? Choose to create a system of success!

A Proactive Approach to Coach Training

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Linda Miller

Over the past 9 months, we have had the pleasure of working with a global client who is training HR professionals to use a coaching approach with their internal clients. So far, we have trained over 100 HR professionals through 5 global trainings, 3 days each.

From the beginning, our sponsors within the company have been very forward thinking. As a way of starting the learning process, the company decided to give each participant a pre-training call, with the purpose being 3-fold:

To get to know each other before the training
To start understanding what coaching is moving forward within the company
To listen for the participant’s natural coaching style and tendencies

What has happened as a result of these calls has been remarkable. We have indeed gotten acquainted on the calls, which has helped get started smoothly during the classroom training.

Regarding the second purpose, during the calls, we are discussing some key differences between coaching and a more traditional HR style. We’ve had great comments about what people take away from the calls, including:

“This has been so valuable. Haven’t had a pre-training experience before, and it’s really made me think.”
“I like learning to ask questions instead of telling others what to do.”
“Your comment about going to past really helped me ‘look through the window’ to the solution. For the future, I don’t really have to know all the background.”
“I need to let people think! I don’t need to tell everything to them. I will need to deal with my impatience.”
“The main learning for me is to stand back and shut up, not impose my solutions. I’m going to need some duct tape!”

In addition, the third purpose for the calls is for the facilitator to listen to each person’s natural coaching style and tendencies in order to give specific feedback on the style. What has been interesting about this is to hear from participants about the impact of receiving feedback. Most people only get corrective feedback, and there are many others types of feedback that can be useful. Here are some comments from participants:

“No one has given me feedback on my style before. It was very helpful. And, now I understand more about the training.”
“The feedback really encourages me and motivates me to be better at coaching.”
“Today’s feedback is making me think really hard.”
“Your comments about my behavior and conversation style are very important. It’s magic for me.”
“No one is giving me this kind of feedback. I am just told what is wrong.”

What are the learnings so far from the past 9 months? Two learnings that stand out are that a pre-training call can be helpful at a variety of levels, and that people really value feedback. Wouldn’t it be great if we could arrange for pre-training calls to start the learning process? They seem to be very helpful. And, we definitely can certainly give feedback more often, especially knowing that the feedback doesn’t have to be corrective in nature. People thrive on feedback, which is part of coaching.

It’s Not About You! – 5 Questions to ensure the focus is on the client.

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Terry Watkins

The focus of coaching is to serve the client. Serving the client includes listening for understanding (active listening), asking thought-provoking and curious questions that lead to deeper awareness, and challenging current perspectives. It is important to understand the client’s current situation, needs, and goals. The role of a coach is to put aside what he or she thinks is best for the client and focus on coaching the client to identify the best solution.

Below are 5 questions for a coach to ensure the focus is on the client.

1) Are you eager to share a solution or a similar experience?
(A client’s experiences, perceptions, and realities may differ from the coach. Do not assume they are the same!)

2) Are you leading or listening?
(Are you offering suggestions or asking open-ended questions?)

3) Who feels better at the end of a coaching session?
(Are you providing solutions for your client or helping your client identify his or her own solutions?)

4) Are you allowing your client to work at his or her own pace or are you setting the pace?
(Are you tied to a process and prematurely pushing your client to action or allowing your client to reflect and explore in the present?)

5) Are you challenging your client based on his or her needs and vision or based on your vision for your client?
(Are you serving your client or yourself?)

There have been times during coaching sessions that I had to catch myself from eagerly giving advice or sharing my experiences. At this point, I realize I am focusing on me and not the client. Of course, I have good intentions and want to help my clients. As a coach, I know it is not about what I think. It is about zooming in on clients to support, listen, challenge, and encourage based on their goals.

Don’t waste the opportunity!

Posted on March 5, 2013 by Mary Ellen Sailer

If there’s one piece of wisdom that this simple pilgrim would like to impart upon you: have the courage to start with the customer. My biggest regrets are the moments that I let a lack of data override my intuition on what’s best for our customers. This leadership change gives you some breathing room to break bad habits and deliver sustainable customer happiness—don’t waste the opportunity!
From Andrew Mason’s letter to Groupon employees, after being fired as CEO, February 28, 2013

Rather than tossing out excuses and blaming others on his departure, Andrew Mason shared with his employees essential wisdom and earnest encouragement. There is both personal and professional relief in assessing what works, what doesn’t, and what to do about it (ask anyone who is working with a coach!). Whether you work at Groupon or not, his advice is worth considering. ..and it is REALLY worth your review if your business is to serve others.

I’d summarize it like this:

The question: What is best for the customer?
The guide: Trust your intuition
What’s needed now: Assess your habits, and break the bad ones.
Why: To deliver sustainable customer happiness!

So, what did you learn about your own service effectiveness by following this rubric? Have you been forgetting about your customers? Ignoring your intuition? Are you guilty of bad habits? Do you have an answer to the “Why?” of your work?

Andrew Mason has given us all a gift. Don’t wait to be fired to learn what he’s learned.

The Gift of Gratefulness

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Linda Miller

About 3 weeks ago, within the span of 5 days, I heard from several “old” friends or people with whom I’ve worked. When the third person reached out that week and asked for a call, I had no idea what he wanted. What a shock to hear that he was thanking me for some work we’d done at least 4 years ago. He told me it had changed his life. What a blessing to hear his journey and the small part that I played.

As soon as we hung up the phone, I started thinking about what had happened that week and realized two things:

We really don’t know the impact we’re having on people! Sometimes the impact is immediate. Sometimes, it hits its mark long after the conversation has ended.
Reaching out and thanking people is something that we all could do more often. If it was such a gift to me, I could give that gift to others.

I’d like to say that I immediately thought of 50 people to thank. Nope, it didn’t happen. Two weeks passed. I was in a bookstore in Singapore when I saw a book written by an old friend. I took a picture of her book and emailed it to her, telling her that her book had made its way across the world. I also thanked her for making a connection for me 12 years ago that was a very significant one. I’m not sure I thanked her enough all those years ago, and it felt really good to take 90 seconds to write the note and send the picture.

I wonder what the world would be like if our gratitude was communicated to those who have assisted us on our journeys. I think the world would be a better place, and we’d all be blessed.

The Ultimate Achievement…Can Become a Reality!

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Terry Watkins

The ultimate achievement begins with a simple goal!

The Baltimore Ravens Super Bowl victory was an ultimate achievement!

John and Jim Harbaugh, head coaches for the Raven and 49ers respectively, began their season with simple goals: To field competitive teams and make it into the NFL Playoffs. These simple goals led to a chance to accomplish the ultimate goal for all professional football teams.

It is easy to set a goal. The real challenge is the mindset and work it takes to accomplish the goal.

Below are a few questions to ask yourself before you commit to a goal. Also, ask these questions again 1-2 months later to ensure the goal is right for you.