Author Archives: Terry Watkins

It’s Not About You! – 5 Questions to ensure the focus is on the client.

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The focus of coaching is to serve the client. Serving the client includes listening for understanding (active listening), asking thought-provoking and curious questions that lead to deeper awareness, and challenging current perspectives. It is important to understand the client’s current situation, needs, and goals. The role of a coach is to put aside what he or she thinks is best for the client and focus on coaching the client to identify the best solution.

Below are 5 questions for a coach to ensure the focus is on the client.

1) Are you eager to share a solution or a similar experience?
(A client’s experiences, perceptions, and realities may differ from the coach. Do not assume they are the same!)

2) Are you leading or listening?
(Are you offering suggestions or asking open-ended questions?)

3) Who feels better at the end of a coaching session?
(Are you providing solutions for your client or helping your client identify his or her own solutions?)

4) Are you allowing your client to work at his or her own pace or are you setting the pace?
(Are you tied to a process and prematurely pushing your client to action or allowing your client to reflect and explore in the present?)

5) Are you challenging your client based on his or her needs and vision or based on your vision for your client?
(Are you serving your client or yourself?)

There have been times during coaching sessions that I had to catch myself from eagerly giving advice or sharing my experiences. At this point, I realize I am focusing on me and not the client. Of course, I have good intentions and want to help my clients. As a coach, I know it is not about what I think. It is about zooming in on clients to support, listen, challenge, and encourage based on their goals.

The Ultimate Achievement…Can Become a Reality!

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The ultimate achievement begins with a simple goal!

The Baltimore Ravens Super Bowl victory was an ultimate achievement!

John and Jim Harbaugh, head coaches for the Raven and 49ers respectively, began their season with simple goals: To field competitive teams and make it into the NFL Playoffs. These simple goals led to a chance to accomplish the ultimate goal for all professional football teams.

It is easy to set a goal.  The real challenge is the mindset and work it takes to accomplish the goal.

Below are a few questions to ask yourself before you commit to a goal.  Also, ask these questions again 1-2 months later to ensure the goal is right for you.

  • What is the benefit of achieving the goal?
  • What is the goal worth to me?
  • How determined am I to achieving the goal?
  • What am I willing to give up?
  • Is it the right time for this goal?
  • How will I keep myself on track to achieving the goal?

Accomplishing a goal is fulfilling and memorable (and work)!  Just ask the Baltimore Ravens!!

That’s One Perspective…

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What’s another?

It is so common to see things through the lens of only one perspective based on personal experiences, backgrounds, and values. “Everyone should see things my way – Right?… Wrong!” I have stated several times, “There are always 3 sides to a story.” This can be translated to “There are at least 3 perspectives to a situation.” Once a person steps outside of his or her own mindset, the situation is broaden to include other possible viewpoints, reasons, solutions, etc.

I worked with a client who believed his manager only wanted to know when the project will be completed. The client experienced several challenges, which he tried to communicate to his manager. The manager nonchalantly acknowledged the challenges and focused on the project end date. The client’s communication was based only on his perspective and as a result was ineffective.

During the coaching session, I questioned my client on how might he communicate the challenges from his manager’s perspective? “How would you communicate from the president’s or another department team member’s perspective who is impacted by the project?” As a result, the client was able to broaden his thinking to create a communication that captured the challenges, the impact of the challenges across many departments, and the possible alternatives and solutions to complete the project by the deadline. The challenges were communicated from different viewpoints (a micro and macro level) to show the impact throughout the company.

Sometimes we get so stuck in our own perspectives that we are missing out on other possible alternatives and win-win solutions!!

Controlling the Negative Self-Talk

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Negative self-talk can be very difficult to manage especially when taking on new challenges.

Do you have a negative and self-doubting internal voice that seems to want to take control at times?

My negative and doubting self-talk (Ms. Negative) can be so loud at times when I am stepping outside of my normal character.

I recently accepted my husband’s challenge to attend a two-day motorcycle safety course to obtain a motorcycle operator’s license. Of course, my husband was so excited and thrilled. I, on the other hand, was hesitant, fearful, and nervous. I never operated a motorcycle. So, this was definitely a challenge for me.

Immediately, my negative and self-doubting internal person began to talk randomly leading up to and during the class. I became extremely aware of the negative talk and counter-reacted with positive and confident thoughts as much as possible. Honestly, it was hard to do at times. I would tell myself it would be fun riding a motorcycle. Ms. Negative would laugh and say, “Remember you must learn to shift the gears without stalling. The bike could fall on you as you go around curves and you could get a broken leg, a bad burn, and/or hit your head…”. Ms. Negative was doing her best to get me to quit.

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One Thing at a Time!

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There are times when there is so much going on personally and professionally that I am running around in circles, experiencing high levels of stress, and/or staring at the computer screen (immobile) feeling my heart racing. My thoughts are scattered. I vision my thoughts are fighting each other trying to be at the front of the line of my ‘to do list.’ Have you ever experienced this? 

Well, I have been experiencing it over the past couple of weeks. The task of writing this bloImageg, along with other tasks, has battled for first place. Since there is only one day left prior to posting this blog, the task is now at the front of the line standing boldly and smiling!!

Throughout the past few weeks when I realized I was about to “lose it” (not in control), I put my own coaching hat on (since I am a certified coach and between coaching sessions with my own coach) and asked myself, “What is most important to complete right now?” I stated to myself out loud, “One thing at a time!” Then, I breathed!! This is my wake up call! I reevaluated the tasks that needed to be completed and made a conscious choice, let me repeat this…a conscious choice, of what my next action or task would be based on my values and what is most important.

Some of my values conflict with one another such as family, fitness, and producing high quality work. For example, in order to produce high quality work, there are many times I must work on the weekends or long hours to meet deadlines and respond timely to others located in different time zones. This competes with time I spend with my family or myself. I planned to write this blog post over the weekend, but I consciously chose, which was not easy (guilt factor in my mind), to spend time with my family and prepare for several upcoming family events. In order to be effective and create high quality work or have high quality personal time, the focus must be on one task at a time.

It is important to recognize when I am feeling out of control and question “How important is this really and how does it align with my values?” “What is the one thing I need to focus on right now?“

So, my suggestion to anyone who feels out of control and stressed at times is to simply coach yourself. Here are a few sample questions:

  • What is the priority?
  • What task is most important to be completed right now?
  • How does completing the task at this moment align with your values?
  • What are you willing to accept?

Also, remember to breathe!!!

 

Why Coaching…?

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Coaching leads to insight…motivation…direction…action…achievement…success…peace of mind!

A coach creates the space that allows you to tackle your fears and biggest challenges into a manageable plan.

A coach will champion you to stretch beyond your limits and comfort area to gain greater satisfaction.

A coach inspires you to dream (inside and outside of the workplace)!

A coach will be your confidant who speaks simply truths.

A coach’s agenda is YOU achieving your goals.

As a coach, it is extremely rewarding to observe clients develop beyond their own expectations.

As a client, my coach has helped me overcome some of my assumed constraints, which lead me to become a certified Coach!

Why coaching…Why not?

Going Beyond “Why”

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What is your first response when someone asks, “Why did you do (or not do) ________________?

Do you defend your actions or pull away from the person? Most of us do.

When I have asked a why question, many times the response has come from a defensive perspective. For example, I asked my son why his math assignment was not completed. His immediate response was a scowl and defensive attitude as he stated he was working on his science homework. My son’s demeanor changed due to the “why” question I asked him. As a coach, I immediately realized I should have asked a more appropriate question that encouraged open communication such as “What caused you not to have your math assignment completed by now?” By eliminating “why” in the question, my son would not have perceived me as being judgmental and would have openly shared his reasons for his science homework taking so long, which caused a delay in his math homework. As a result, the lines of communication would have been open for additional understanding, problem-solving, and future actions.

I recently attended an ICF chapter meeting and the speaker presented on powerful questions. The speaker emphasized the impact of “why” questions. As I learned in coaching school and through personal experiences, the speaker reinforced that “why” questions come from judgment, promote defensiveness, create separation, and focus on explaining rationale. “Why” questions simply do not contribute to effective conversations.

Effective communication leads to growth, progress, and partnerships. Reframing “why” questions into “what,” “how,” or “when” questions leads to open and productive communication. It is important to be aware of the impact of “why” questions, which can move a conversation backward creating separation.

Pay attention how often you start with a “why” question and the impact it makes.

 

What’s Your Fear?

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Recently, I was in a conversation with a highly-skilled coach about potential coaching topics for an upcoming conference. One topic the coach suggested was around fear.

Since my conversation with the coach, I have been thinking about the word fear.

How has fear held me back? What behaviors am I exhibiting due to fear?

As a coach, I recognized there were times that fear prevented me from truly serving my clients. I played it safe in asking questions, making challenging requests, and incorporating direct communication. My fear was being less than perfect and disappointing my clients. I placed limitations on myself and also on my clients. I allowed fear to stand in the way of being a highly impactful coach that leads clients to deeper discovery and action. I questioned, what was the missed potential?

Everyone has fears: Fear of failing, Fear of success, Fear of not being the best, Fear of death.

Individuals respond to fear in different ways consciously or unconsciously. It may be subtle or aggressive. As a result, individuals’ actions and behaviors are unproductive, limiting, and/or costly to themselves and others.

What are your fears? What opportunities are you losing by not facing your fears and moving beyond them?

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.”  ~Brendan Francis

 

Confidence Unleashed!

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To watch someone who has gained confidence in his or her abilities perform is a beautiful thing!

I have watched my son struggle with confidence in his basketball abilities over the past two years. This season my son is playing basketball with great confidence. He finally believes in himself and it shows on the court. As his mother, some of his moves have shocked me, and I have questioned, “Is that my son?!”

So, what finally snapped inside my son for him to become fully confident in his basketball abilities? What causes any individual, regardless of age, to become confident?

For my son, I watched the change come as a result of repeated praising and reassurance he received from his peers and authority figures, from seeing his teammates succeed, and from being challenged. Coaches and parents believed in him before he believed in himself. It took time before he truly could see it.

As a coach, what it took for my son to step into his confidence is very similar to what takes place in coaching sessions with clients. Some clients begin with self-doubt about their abilities. By creating a safe and trusting environment, clients can be encouraged through praisings, role play, and overcoming challenges that build their confidence. Clients who are confident change behaviors and move toward their goals, which increase their effectiveness and personal satisfaction. Almost everyone needs a champion at some point to boost his or her confidence and accomplish a leap to a new level of performance.

Do you have the champion you need right now?

 

How Determined Are You Really?

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Coaches assist clients in identifying personal and professional goals. Once goals are identified, coaches help clients realize their level of determination in accomplishing them.

Here is where the “rubber meets the road!”

Clients must decide what they are willing to say “no” to in order to say “yes” to moving toward their goals. What are they willing to sacrifice?

My coach helped me in clarifying how determined I was in pursuing a Masters in Business Administration, while working full-time and being a mother and wife. Through thought-provoking questions, I realized how important it was to earn a MBA. It was truly a personal goal. My coach helped me realize the impact of accomplishing this goal as well as not pursuing a MBA. I accepted the sacrifices I needed to make (working late hours, being overly tired, weekends dedicated to school work, etc.) in order to increase my self-satisfaction. I was determined! As a result, I have accomplished my goal!

A coach will help clients clarify goals, identify sacrifices, and reveal their level of determination in achieving goals. Clients will become aware of what is truly fueling their determination, such as self-satisfaction, money, status, team performance, etc.

As a coach, my questions to you are “How determined are you in achieving your goals and what sacrifices are you willing to make?”