Going With the Flow
Flow : The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced mee-high chick-sent-mee-high, my friend David Rock told me that, and he is important because he wrote one of my top books The Brain at Work) is another book that stopped me in my tracks. Published in 1990, my copy is old, much dog eared and underlined. The author is more recently widely known as a pioneer in the Positive Psychology arena, and his early work outlined in Flow was required reading for coaches because it was solid research about what makes people feel good. Absent real problems like psychological damage, war or pestilence, people were coming to coaches with the objective of optimizing their existence and more specifically, their time at work. Csikszentmihalyi says that in his studies, when people reflected on their most positive experiences they seemed to share one if not all of these characteristics:
- “ the experience usually occurs when we confront tasks we have a chance of completing.”
- we must be able to concentrate on what we are doing.”
- The task has “clear goals and
- Provide immediate feedback
- There is deep but effortless involvement that shuts out the noise of everyday life
- We are able to exercise a sense of control over our actions
- Self consciousness disappears, but sense of self emerges more strongly after the experience is over
- The sense of time passing is altered; minutes can seem like hours, or hours can feel like minutes.” (Harper, 1991, pg. 49)
Csikszentmihalyi’s theory was that to achieve flow we needed to maintain the balance between the level of challenge of the activity, and our skill level – if the challenge is too low, we become bored, if it is too high we become overly anxious. Each individual needs to monitor their own challenge level to keep it optimal to stay engaged. 
This rang so true for me, and it was extremely useful in work with clients who were clearly bored, but judging themselves for it, thinking they had perfectly jobs and should be happy. Not so! To stay in Flow, it is critical to constantly be raising the bar. This is not totally true for everyone all the time, but for some people, some of the time, the model is extremely useful.
Habits Make All the Difference
The promise was books that rocked my coaching practice that are off the beaten path. OK, so maybe this one isn’t that original, and I must have stumbled on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey in Barnes and Noble because I can’t remember who recommended it. But I have to say that from the day I read this book, I changed some habits that utterly altered the trajectory of my life. I don’t think it is a coincidence that when I started doing what Covey said (and let’s be clear, not everything, just a few things made a huge difference) my business took off, my household became more orderly and calm and my quality of life shot up. I developed a reputation for being freakishly productive. I feel that almost every other “self-help” book that came after this one simply fleshed out some of the good ideas that were here in the first place.
In the section called Put First Things First, the 4 box quadrant probably made the biggest impact on me. The idea is that we all can put every single thing we do into one of the four quadrants.
| Urgent | Not Urgent | |
| Important | QUADRANT I crises, pressing problems, deadline-driven projects |
QUADRANT II prevention, Principle Centered activities, relationship building, recognizing and leveraging new opportunities, planning the future, recreation |
| Not important | QUADRANT III interruptions, some calls, some mail, some reports, some meetings, popular activities |
QUADRANT IV trivia, busy work, some mail, some phone calls time wasters, pleasant activities |
The ones who spend the bulk of their time doing things in the “important” quadrants are simply going to have a much higher life satisfaction quotient. This very concrete model gave me the courage to say no to things that did not fall into the Quadrants I or II. Today, I let people assume I am extremely busy (everybody does) and if pressed I will admit that I am no busier than anyone else, just extremely focused on what is most important to me and ferociously choosy about what I focus on. Don’t tell anyone.
Unexpected Inspiration
In my mentoring of coaches and coaching practitioners in organizations I am often asked what my influences have been, so I thought it would be fun to do a short series about the books that have rocked my world as a coach. Not the obvious ones, the books that are not necessarily on the beaten paths and the coaching school reading lists. Over the next few weeks I will share some of my favorite books with a short review of their key messages.
To get us off to a brilliant start for 2012, I will tell you a little about The Four Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary by Angeles Arrien. Arrien is an anthropologist who travelled and lived among indigenous peoples and studied change agents – all of whom draw on the power and wisdom of the 4 archetypes in the title. What she found was that no matter what their culture – peace loving or warlike, maternal vs. patriarchal, agrarian or nomadic – all of the effective leaders follow roughly the same four principles which comprise the Four Fold Way.
- Show up and choose to be present (Warrior)
- Pay attention to what has heart and meaning (Healer)
- Tell the truth without blame or judgment (Visionary)
- Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome (Teacher)
I have been using these principles personally as a self leader, and experimenting with them with clients for over 15 years. They have proved to have astonishing staying power and have supported those who wish to build personal power, be more effective with groups, and increase their coaching skill. Most fine leaders are not as well rounded as they might be, and find very little inspiration in competency models to articulate their gaps and create a real plan to close them. This model provides another angle and I have found that the principles work regardless of religious conviction or cultural background.
Managing in an Age of Superstars and Superegos
The new issue of ESPN the Magazine is entitled, The Interview Issue. As you might have guessed, it is filled with one-on-one conversations between different sports personalities and ESPN staffers. One interview in particular, captured my attention.
The interviewer was John Sawatsky. He is described in The Mag as “a former investigative journalist,” who, “coaches many of the network’s reporters in the science of asking the right questions at the right time.”
Photo courtesy of SD Dirk via Creative Commons
The interviewee is the recently retired manager of the World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals, Tony La Russa. Over the course of his successful 30+ year managerial career, La Russa has won three World Series titles and four Manager of the Year awards. His next award will likely be induction into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.
So, what we have here basically boils down to one “coach” interviewing another “coach.” (And as an added bonus, Sawatsky critiques his own line of questions in the footnotes.) While I recommend reading the interview in its entirety, Sawatsky tosses one question that La Russa knocks out of the park…
Sawatsky: So how do you manage in an age of superstars and superegos?
La Russa: Personalize, personalize, personalize. You need to show you care; you need to earn their trust and respect. This is the entire staff, not just me. And trust means telling the truth. Sometimes that’s not what they want to hear, but you can’t bulls–t them, because there goes your credibility.
But you also understand that these guys have a life. So you make it clear that if at any point there is a personal need I can help with, I’m there.
In his brief response, La Russa effectively demonstrates that the key to his success as a manager was to be a leader.
- Treat your people as individuals. Don’t lead with a one size fits all approach.
- Build relationships on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
- Surround yourself with a team who lead by a set of shared values.
- Give honest feedback. Don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations.
- Be empathetic, and offer support, when personal issues inevitably arise.
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What Neuroscience Can Teach Leaders – 7
Many people have an intuitive sense about how sensitive people are to their own and others’ status. Some are oblivious. BUT…it is critical that you be mindful of your people’s status. People need to know where they stand, and will respond well when treated appropriately in terms of their status (Rock) (Zinc et al).
People who feel that their status has not been fully recognized will also feel a damaging sense of unfairness which will negatively impact how they feel about their work environment far beyond what might seem rational (Tabibnia). When people act like lunatics, before you judge them, check first to see if someones’ place in the hierarchy has been threatened. Don’t upset the cupcakes, unless you mean to.
What Neuroscience Can Teach Leaders About Feedback
Feedback: The never ending mystery! Here is yet another installment in the series on what we have to learn about Leadership from the study of neuroscience.
Feedback:
- Hire for Feedback Orientation. Individuals, who have feedback orientation like feedback, believe it has value, seek it regularly, have the wherewithal to process feedback with and without help, are sensitive to others’ view of themselves and generally feel accountable to act on feedback (London and Smither). Ask yourself about your own feedback orientation? Are you a role model for asking for and receiving feedback?
2. Build a culture in which feedback is natural and given in the moment. A culture of feedback is :
“…one where individuals continuously receive, solicit, and use formal and informal feedback to improve their job performance. This may be linked to effective policies and programs for performance management, continuous learning and career development. The individual’s feedback orientation depends in part on the support and climate for learning. The more frequent the feedback and the closer it follows the behavior in question, the more likely it is to be accepted. The more support [from you the leader] for learning and development, including the availability of behaviorally-oriented feedback, the more the individual is likely to develop a positive orientation toward feedback. ” (London and Smither)
3. People who have sustained a great deal of trauma are going to have a very hard time distinguishing a real threat from a potential one (Rock). This means that workers who go through rounds of layoffs and are not given new information to raise their levels of certainty will most probably become less and less able to receive any critical feedback. Only people working in an environment where they feel safe will be open to learning, be more likely to have insights and be generally more creative and productive (Gordon).
Image from Grant Cochrane
What Neuroscience Can Teach Leaders 2
Attention: What You Pay Attention to Matters
1. You can choose what happens in your head when you are not thinking about anything in particular by choosing to be mindful instead of simply letting your mind wander in what is known as the “default network”. Mindfullness is defined as:
a) Self regulating attention so that it is maintained on immediate experience thereby allowing for increased recognition of mental events in the present moment
b) Adopting a particular orientation toward one’s experiences in the present moment, an orientation that is characterized by curiosity, openness, and acceptance (Bishop et al).
By practicing mindfulness you can choose to pay attention to sensory information coming in. What you pay attention to is what you are conscious of (Rock)(Berman).
2. What you choose to pay attention to can dictate the quality of your mood, your quality of life and the quality of life of people around you. Pay attention to the past and you will end up ruminating uselessly, whereas when you stay focused on the present, you get useful information about what is going on with your own thoughts and feelings (Tang et al) (Hassed).
3. One of your key jobs as a leader is to continually remind your people of what to pay attention to (Hassed).
Image by Carlos Porto
Senior Leadership Can be a Lonely Role
I once had a leader tell me that the higher you climb in the organization, the more disconnected and lonely you feel in your role. Do you believe that is true? Do people speak openly to their bosses about the problems/opportunities that exist? “Did anyone want to sit next to you at dinner?” my boss recently joked to me at our 3 day off site attended by the majority of my direct reports. Yikes. I had not thought about it and actually, I am not sure. I certainly didn’t get an invitation.
Is the dynamic different when you are in senior leadership? Do you think people tend to back away from Sr. Leaders or embrace them? Whatever your belief, the best way to keep from being lonely is to have 1-on-1 meetings on a regular basis. These are a time to connect, provide a forum for team members to feel heard and solicit feedback on what is working/not working. Team meetings help to ensure that connections are being made, work is moving forward and dinners are filled with invitations!
How do YOU receive feedback?
Much of coaching and training around the topic of “feedback” focuses on how to give feedback. What about receiving feedback? Recently, I was facilitating a conversation between Max and Morgan. Max was giving feedback to Morgan. Morgan quietly listened and then asked questions for clarity and understanding. All was going well. As the coach, I was proud of Morgan, and I was confident the conversation would end with both parties feeling good about the “clearing of the air.”
Then something happened. Morgan started questioning the credibility of the feedback. What concerned me was not whether the feedback was true. I was concerned that Max would walk away thinking the conversation was a waste of time and energy.
Following the feedback session, I had a meeting with Morgan. During the conversation, I shared something I believe about receiving feedback – “Perception is more important than the truth!” Perception is reality. I also shared three simple guidelines to receiving feedback:
- Listen – be completely present to hear what is being said
- Reflect back – repeat back the feedback that was shared (letting the person know you heard what was said)
- Say “Thank you.”
Morgan was cordial and appreciative (I think), then said, “I wish you would have shared the guidelines before the meeting!” Hmm, feedback for me?! I replied, “You are right! I should have set you up better before the feedback was shared.” She replied, “Yes!” I responded, “Thank you!”
A Job Well Done is Its Own Reward…Not
In a recent 360 degree Feedback coaching session with a guy who is clearly a talented manager and completely decent human being, he saw that he needs to give more feedback, more coaching, and more praise in general. He said “It must be my background, I grew up on a farm, and in my family, a job well done was its own reward.” So true. So many high achievers didn’t get feedback themselves as they were rising through the ranks, so it never occurs to them to give it.
Everyone wants feedback – the good, the bad and the specific. I submit that all you have to do is pay attention and let people know what they are doing that is great – specifically – and what they might want to tweak. Jobs today are so complicated and often opaque, a job well done is often hard to define – it isn’t as obvious as a clean barn or a full truck. So it really is the manager’s job to help their people see what a good job looks like and then to assure when a good job has been done.
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