Habits Make All the Difference
The promise was books that rocked my coaching practice that are off the beaten path. OK, so maybe this one isn’t that original, and I must have stumbled on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey in Barnes and Noble because I can’t remember who recommended it. But I have to say that from the day I read this book, I changed some habits that utterly altered the trajectory of my life. I don’t think it is a coincidence that when I started doing what Covey said (and let’s be clear, not everything, just a few things made a huge difference) my business took off, my household became more orderly and calm and my quality of life shot up. I developed a reputation for being freakishly productive. I feel that almost every other “self-help” book that came after this one simply fleshed out some of the good ideas that were here in the first place.
In the section called Put First Things First, the 4 box quadrant probably made the biggest impact on me. The idea is that we all can put every single thing we do into one of the four quadrants.
| Urgent | Not Urgent | |
| Important | QUADRANT I crises, pressing problems, deadline-driven projects |
QUADRANT II prevention, Principle Centered activities, relationship building, recognizing and leveraging new opportunities, planning the future, recreation |
| Not important | QUADRANT III interruptions, some calls, some mail, some reports, some meetings, popular activities |
QUADRANT IV trivia, busy work, some mail, some phone calls time wasters, pleasant activities |
The ones who spend the bulk of their time doing things in the “important” quadrants are simply going to have a much higher life satisfaction quotient. This very concrete model gave me the courage to say no to things that did not fall into the Quadrants I or II. Today, I let people assume I am extremely busy (everybody does) and if pressed I will admit that I am no busier than anyone else, just extremely focused on what is most important to me and ferociously choosy about what I focus on. Don’t tell anyone.
Unexpected Inspiration
In my mentoring of coaches and coaching practitioners in organizations I am often asked what my influences have been, so I thought it would be fun to do a short series about the books that have rocked my world as a coach. Not the obvious ones, the books that are not necessarily on the beaten paths and the coaching school reading lists. Over the next few weeks I will share some of my favorite books with a short review of their key messages.
To get us off to a brilliant start for 2012, I will tell you a little about The Four Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary by Angeles Arrien. Arrien is an anthropologist who travelled and lived among indigenous peoples and studied change agents – all of whom draw on the power and wisdom of the 4 archetypes in the title. What she found was that no matter what their culture – peace loving or warlike, maternal vs. patriarchal, agrarian or nomadic – all of the effective leaders follow roughly the same four principles which comprise the Four Fold Way.
- Show up and choose to be present (Warrior)
- Pay attention to what has heart and meaning (Healer)
- Tell the truth without blame or judgment (Visionary)
- Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome (Teacher)
I have been using these principles personally as a self leader, and experimenting with them with clients for over 15 years. They have proved to have astonishing staying power and have supported those who wish to build personal power, be more effective with groups, and increase their coaching skill. Most fine leaders are not as well rounded as they might be, and find very little inspiration in competency models to articulate their gaps and create a real plan to close them. This model provides another angle and I have found that the principles work regardless of religious conviction or cultural background.
Stepping Over…or Taking Steps?
A few months ago I was walking through our house when my husband stopped me suddenly. He was pointing to a place I’d just walked past at least 5 times. In that place was a snake, curled into a tight circle. We live in Arizona. Snakes in the house are not a good thing. The fact that I’d stepped over it at several times was even more disturbing. It also made me wonder what else I step over all the time without noticing.
What DO we step over, without realizing it? Maybe it’s the impact of something we said, not realizing that it was unintentionally hurtful. Or, maybe it’s the part of our work that we really don’t like, not realizing that others notice when we don’t do it. Or, maybe it’s the insignificant meetings that we attend without paying attention, not realizing that our input is important for the business decisions that are being made.
OK, now I’m convicted! It’s time to pay attention to the things that I step over and start taking steps in a new direction. One step is to pay attention to the responses of others and to clean up messes. Another step is to take action on the things I don’t like to do, regularly. A third step is to be present (really present and focused) at meetings, and to contribute input when decisions are being made.
How about you? What steps can you take rather than stepping over something that could potentially bite you?
Managing in an Age of Superstars and Superegos
The new issue of ESPN the Magazine is entitled, The Interview Issue. As you might have guessed, it is filled with one-on-one conversations between different sports personalities and ESPN staffers. One interview in particular, captured my attention.
The interviewer was John Sawatsky. He is described in The Mag as “a former investigative journalist,” who, “coaches many of the network’s reporters in the science of asking the right questions at the right time.”
Photo courtesy of SD Dirk via Creative Commons
The interviewee is the recently retired manager of the World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals, Tony La Russa. Over the course of his successful 30+ year managerial career, La Russa has won three World Series titles and four Manager of the Year awards. His next award will likely be induction into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.
So, what we have here basically boils down to one “coach” interviewing another “coach.” (And as an added bonus, Sawatsky critiques his own line of questions in the footnotes.) While I recommend reading the interview in its entirety, Sawatsky tosses one question that La Russa knocks out of the park…
Sawatsky: So how do you manage in an age of superstars and superegos?
La Russa: Personalize, personalize, personalize. You need to show you care; you need to earn their trust and respect. This is the entire staff, not just me. And trust means telling the truth. Sometimes that’s not what they want to hear, but you can’t bulls–t them, because there goes your credibility.
But you also understand that these guys have a life. So you make it clear that if at any point there is a personal need I can help with, I’m there.
In his brief response, La Russa effectively demonstrates that the key to his success as a manager was to be a leader.
- Treat your people as individuals. Don’t lead with a one size fits all approach.
- Build relationships on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
- Surround yourself with a team who lead by a set of shared values.
- Give honest feedback. Don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations.
- Be empathetic, and offer support, when personal issues inevitably arise.
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Stop Adding Value
I was talking with a Blanchard Coach the other day about the topic of recognition. One leader she’s working with had noticed that although there were “formal” recognition programs in his company, he believed there was a need for informal, just-in-time recognition. I reminded the coach that Ken Blanchard calls that catching people doing things right.
As we continued on the topic, she told me how this leader wants to be very encouraging of other people in his company—and often joins team meetings to hear about the latest ideas, projects, and plans. In his enthusiasm to endorse the thinkers, he always adds value.
What happens when he “improves” on a decision? She’s going to ask him…but I’d say it’s a safe guess that when this leader speaks, others stop speaking. It’s pretty hard to disagree with the boss—especially when he’s not been part of the creative process.
This leader has a great idea—to recognize and endorse the good work of others. I’m glad he’s working with a coach to support him in this plan, because even the best of intentions can sometimes have the opposite impact! Rather than add his comments, the true value he could add in these meetings would be to really listen. Through listening, he could coax and encourage the ideas of others in these meetings. From his encouragement, better decisions can be added by members of the team.
By first stopping his own reflex to fix or improve, he will certainly then be able to catch people doing things right!
What Neuroscience Can Teach Leaders 3
1. The division between thoughts and feelings is in fact an artificial one. From a brain standpoint they are indistinguishable (Phelps). The best ways to understand what you are thinking and feeling is to make time to reflect upon them, (Ochsner et al) and use language to label them (Lieberman et al). This means you will need a trusted advisor who will listen to you, e.g.: get a coach if you don’t already have one.
2. Habits are driven by the unconscious. Some are useful, some are not. It serves you well to notice your habits, examine each one and choose whether or not you want to allow it to continue (Rock).
What Neuroscience Can Teach Leaders 2
Attention: What You Pay Attention to Matters
1. You can choose what happens in your head when you are not thinking about anything in particular by choosing to be mindful instead of simply letting your mind wander in what is known as the “default network”. Mindfullness is defined as:
a) Self regulating attention so that it is maintained on immediate experience thereby allowing for increased recognition of mental events in the present moment
b) Adopting a particular orientation toward one’s experiences in the present moment, an orientation that is characterized by curiosity, openness, and acceptance (Bishop et al).
By practicing mindfulness you can choose to pay attention to sensory information coming in. What you pay attention to is what you are conscious of (Rock)(Berman).
2. What you choose to pay attention to can dictate the quality of your mood, your quality of life and the quality of life of people around you. Pay attention to the past and you will end up ruminating uselessly, whereas when you stay focused on the present, you get useful information about what is going on with your own thoughts and feelings (Tang et al) (Hassed).
3. One of your key jobs as a leader is to continually remind your people of what to pay attention to (Hassed).
Image by Carlos Porto
What Neuroscience Can Teach Leaders
Pioneers in the coaching profession began coaching people using age old wisdom gleaned from history, philosophy, art, spirituality, anthropology, psychology, psychiatry and business. The techniques we used were built from trial and error, when we found ones that worked we simply kept using them even if we didn’t necessarily know how or why they worked. The great value of the study of neuroscience in the context of leadership is that what we intuitively knew to be true is in fact supported by the scientific research. The following will be part of a series over the next few weeks. Each item is short referenced, full references available on request.
Your Brain is Key:
Take care of your Pre-Frontal Cortex, the “seat of judgment”. It requires rest and glucose. It fatigues easily though you don’t necessarily feel it when it is tired (the way you do when you are physically tired). Every decision you make adds to “decisions fatigue” and erodes your energy for thinking things through (Beameister). Your ability to regulate your emotions and make good decisions declines with fatigue. People who make consistently good decisions aren’t necessarily smarter; rather they know when they are not at their best:
“Even the wisest people won’t make good choices when they’re not rested and their glucose is low. The best decision makers are the ones who know when not to trust themselves.” (Baumeister in Article by John Tierney, NYTimes Sunday Magazine, August 17th, pg. 47)
Image: Carlos Porto
Paying Attention
Like a lot of people, I spend a fair amount of time reading my favorite blogs and following friends and colleagues on sites like LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter. I have even been guilty of reading emails or texting while on the phone (not my proudest moment, for sure). In this age of communication, with such a wide variety of technology available, doesn’t it seem unusual when you encounter someone who doesn’t really use it? Perhaps a better descriptor is the “age of distraction”? Because, honestly, I can’t say that the quality of my communications has improved, but the frequency certainly has.
With this in mind, I was in the audience of a meeting where Margie Blanchard shared how she begins her day. She told us that each morning, she asks herself four questions:
- What am I excited about?
- What am I proud of?
- What am I thankful for?
- Who loves me and who do I love?
The self-reflection from paying attention to these four questions, gives her perspective and clarity in her interactions throughout the day. Listening carefully to discover how these four things might be important to others builds trust and rapport over time. It’s no wonder that paying attention is a key step in building a coaching relationship with team members. The questions are simple, but I have found that in thinking about them, my communications have become more intentional and helped me rediscover the joy of thoughtful solitude…even though I am still tempted to tweet about it.
How do YOU receive feedback?
Much of coaching and training around the topic of “feedback” focuses on how to give feedback. What about receiving feedback? Recently, I was facilitating a conversation between Max and Morgan. Max was giving feedback to Morgan. Morgan quietly listened and then asked questions for clarity and understanding. All was going well. As the coach, I was proud of Morgan, and I was confident the conversation would end with both parties feeling good about the “clearing of the air.”
Then something happened. Morgan started questioning the credibility of the feedback. What concerned me was not whether the feedback was true. I was concerned that Max would walk away thinking the conversation was a waste of time and energy.
Following the feedback session, I had a meeting with Morgan. During the conversation, I shared something I believe about receiving feedback – “Perception is more important than the truth!” Perception is reality. I also shared three simple guidelines to receiving feedback:
- Listen – be completely present to hear what is being said
- Reflect back – repeat back the feedback that was shared (letting the person know you heard what was said)
- Say “Thank you.”
Morgan was cordial and appreciative (I think), then said, “I wish you would have shared the guidelines before the meeting!” Hmm, feedback for me?! I replied, “You are right! I should have set you up better before the feedback was shared.” She replied, “Yes!” I responded, “Thank you!”
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