The Coach Approach to Feedback (1)
Previous discussion leads us to the most pressing need, the manager’s nemesis: giving feedback. When we teach our coaching skills program our participants are most challenged by one management duty that many think of as a coaching skill: giving feedback. Why is giving feedback so challenging?
As managers:
- We are afraid we will de-motivate people on whom we are depending for results
- We are worried we will offend and damage the relationship
- We are worried that the feedback will not generate the results we are looking for.
The coach approach can help. It is crucial to remember that as manager coaches we are always keeping the development of our people and the best case results in mind at the same time.
The manager who has committed to the coach approach will have already made a couple of important shifts:
The Manager Coach is:
- Aware of style differences and chooses the best language when speaking with team members
- Clear about their own judgments and can keep these separate from the job requirements and best interests of the team member
- Always working to increase trust in the relationship.
So when the time comes to share delicate or difficult feedback, the manager coach has already built awareness, trust and respect into the relationship.
Good coaching depends on distinctions and one crucial distinction when giving feedback is to separate a direction, e.g.: ‘you must do this instead of that’ from information that you think might be helpful to a direct report in general. Managers will admit that being clear about requirements and directives is part of the job – often the need to calmly point out a gap between clearly expressed expectations and results that fall short is confused with the need to give feedback.
Next post: Types of Feedback
[All posts on Coach Approach to Feedback co-created with Linda Miller]
Feedback – Gutting it Out
So, the thinking about 360° Feedback was actually prompted by an experience I had recently. It illustrates both the upside and the dark side of this trend in ‘anonymous’ feedback.
A colleague at my company, whom I consider to be a real friend, recently included me as a rater in a Leadership 360° Feedback experience that she initiated for herself. I do not work closely with this individual everyday but we are on a committee together and she has been incredibly helpful to me over the years in varied ways. I consider her to be an expert in her field and have nothing but fondness and respect for her.
I cheerfully filled out the multiple choice type questions rating her highest or very high in most dimensions, though on some, I had to say I had no experience. And then I got to the open ended comments. The instruments asked about strengths and I a rattled off a whole bunch of positive comments. And then I got to the section asking “how might this person improve?” And I was stumped. I thought the least I could do was offer something constructive and useful. And then it hit me. I had totally forgotten that about 6 months before, in a hideous meeting, my friend had really hurt my feelings with a few comments – feedback of her own to me about some work I had done. I had called in to the meeting, having been out of town for a few months, working virtually and it was an extremely busy time– by the time I got back to the office I had blanked out the whole event.
Now her comments to me were dead on – completely accurate. It was the way they were delivered that was hard to take. But I had never told her, and then I had forgotten all about it. And it would have stayed forgotten if she hadn’t asked for feedback. But she did. So I remembered. And I couldn’t see how writing about it ‘anonymously’ (ha ha, she would have immediately known it was me) was going to serve anyone. So I did a very hard thing. I picked up the phone and called her.
“There is something I need to talk to you about” I said, and then I spilled my guts. My friend was astonished, and appalled. Of course, hurting my feelings was the farthest thing from her intention. She was, of course, focused on clarity and getting the point across. I have never experienced any one taking feedback so gracefully. We both fell over ourselves in our efforts to express our esteem for the other, and it all turned out ok.
But it got me thinking – what if our relationship wasn’t so great? What if we didn’t have the mutual commitment to be ‘straight’ with each other? What if I hadn’t had it in me to screw up my courage and take the plunge? What if she weren’t such a fine human being and had gotten upset with me and I had damaged the relationship?
Hmmm.
No, Seriously, What Do You Really Think?
Ah, the joys of 360° Degree Feedback. Don’t you love it? Ken Blanchard says that “Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions” but who said that 47 page report of it was the way to go? I, for one, am not convinced.
For the uninitiated: 360° Degree Feedback is a fairly recent process in global corporate environments designed to elicit input on the effectiveness of an individual by collecting feedback from the boss, direct reports, clients if applicable and peers. Although the practice has been around for quite a long time, it wasn’t until the advent of internet with its ease of communication and computerized scoring/reporting that it got completely out of hand.
As a coaching organization we are often asked to provide or recommend a reputable management / leadership practices 360. Or we are asked to provide coaches who are ‘certified’ to work with specific instruments. There is no question that there a science and an art to interpreting any 360° feedback report. I feel sorry for any individual faced with translating their own into a full development plan with milestones and actions with no help.
So help we do, thank goodness.
Some cool things that can come from a 360:
- An excellent, research based instrument is built to assess use of tried and tested management and leadership practices. At the very least, everyone who fills out a 360 on someone else, or on themselves gains a clear, concise picture of what the best managers and leaders should be measured on. I had one client literally point to a behavior in his report on which he received a score of ‘never demonstrates’ and remarked: “It has not once in my life occurred to me that anyone would expect me to do that. This is a real wake up call.” Now, there is some real value in that.
- For the truly clueless, it may be the first time that anyone has pointed out to them that how they interact with other people in the organization is important. You accuse me of exaggeration, but those of you who work with one know exactly what I mean.
Some misgivings:
- Raters (people we are asking to go online with their login and password and take 25 minutes of focused work time to provide thoughtful well considered feedback– and you have to be online, you can’t do it on a plane) are demonstrating severe “360 fatigue”. It takes a lot of thought to fill these things out. If someone has a tummy ache, has way too much to do or is just having a really bad day, it can do all kinds of crazy things to the data.
- The 360 instrument holds the promise of anonymity – this is supposed to encourage honesty. But who are we kidding? In 10 years of working with 360’s I have never, ever had a client say “wow, I haven’t the vaguest idea who might think that about me”. If we want to foster a culture of clear, honest and timely feedback in an organization, why on earth would we want to hide behind a hollow promise of anonymity?
More on this and then on Feedback in general in future posts. Debate and comments encouraged.
Authenticity
One of the more interesting aspects of Tell the Truth without Blame or Judgment is ‘authenticity’. It is critical that leaders reveal themselves – some might say that it should only be in a very calculated, measured way. Others might say that it is easier to build trust when leaders let it all hang out. The jury is out for me but there are a couple of things that are really clear:
- Leaders must reveal enough of themselves that people can recognize them as fellow human beings and find something to connect with. A little vulnerability, a little sadness, pride in a child – something.
- Leaders can and should show emotion – both positive and negative – but they must also demonstrate that they have mastery over their own emotions and will not let emotion control their choices or action. Self control and the observable demonstration of self control is critical.
- Under no circumstances does it serve a leader to show contempt or derision for a follower. Or for anyone in front of anyone but the closest and most trusted.
- Leaders can respond to just about anything, but it makes most sense to choose to respond to what has heart and meaning – to explore and expand on ideas that will make an impact in the memory.
I am a fairly spontaneous person, and I love to entertain using language. I once had an employee say to me “you just say whatever comes into your head don’t you? I just love how authentic you are.” All I could wonder is ‘are you kidding?’ Because the answer is, although on the rare occasion my mouth gets ahead of my brain (ok maybe less rare than I’d like) , generally I am very careful about what I choose to say. I show just enough so that my people know what it is important to me, how I think about things, and how I make decisions. If I said everything that came into my head I would be out of a job and probably in jail. With no friends.
More on this topic next time.
Tell the Truth
I am still exploring Angeles Arrien’s work in this blog – the next step that all change agents or leaders engage in is Tell the Truth Without Blame or Judgment. Really? Is that all? Well that’s easy enough. Until it isn’t. Telling the truth requires a willingness to put oneself out there to be judged ourselves. It can also cause more trouble than it is sometimes worth. But let’s also remember that it doesn’t say tell the truth at all costs. Costs need to be weighed, and found worth paying. As. Dr. Angeles says:
“Communication that carries integrity always considered timing and context before the delivery of content. ”
Angeles Arrien; The Four-Fold Way; Harper San Francisco, 1993, pg. 83
The second piece is often overlooked – without blame or judgment. This can be the biggest challenge at all, but it harkens back to a lot of research about leadership which asserts that one of the jobs of the leader is to DEFINE REALITY as it currently stands. A certain amount of detachment and objectivity when ‘calling it as it is’ is a useful skill. It means we have to practice use of the ‘neutral’ voice, one that doesn’t carry significant emotional freight that needlessly weighs the truth down. Just truth, stated baldy as something that needs to be considered. To continue the above quote:
“Direct communication – giving voice to what we see without blame or judgment- means we must consider the alignment of appropriate word choice, tone of voice and body posture.”
And here is another rub. I don’t know about you, but I am a little skittish about designating myself as the one with enough information, intelligence, authority – and goodness only knows how long this list might actually be but you get the idea – to tell the Truth with a capital ‘T’. Because who knows what the truth is, my reality is so radically different from your reality that I feel competent, just, to ‘test’ for what might be ‘true’ for you, or the group, right now. I find that trying several different potential truths at any given moment can work better. Unless the truth is staring you in the face and there is no equivocating. But whether it is raining or not is rarely a source of conflict or confusion.
Ask yourself:
- Am I saying everything that needs to be said?
- If not , what is keeping from doing it?
- How can I do so appropriately?
Playing for High Stakes
The higher the stakes, the more preparation is required. But then what? What is actually required in the moment? This was a topic for discussion with a client who is going for the big brass ring – the top job at a billion dollar conglomerate. The preparation is becoming more and more clear, but in six months when it’s time to sit down with the current CEO, the Board and the Leadership Team; what then?
The question sends me back to my days as a theatre actress. You rehearsed and rehearsed until opening night when the adrenaline pumping through your body would kill a horse. All you can do at that point is hope like crazy that your preparation was good enough because now it’s too late. And much as you would prefer to ‘check out’ and come back when it’s all over, you have to stay present because this is ‘live’ and your shoe could come off, your co-star could miss an entrance, a light could fail to come on. You have to on your toes.
The thing that differentiates the wheat from the chaff is the ability to stay in your body and respond to what’s in the room in a centered and meaningful way, under extreme pressure, because of and ultimately despite your preparation. So I shared something I have been using as a guide working with leaders since the book was published and it has never led me astray. It is from The Four Fold Way; Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary by Angeles Arrien, Harper Collins, 1993.
This is the result of the authors’ work with indigenous leaders all over the world from all kinds of different cultures. She wanted to see what leaders or change agents all have in common. It turns out that all good leaders do four distinct, seemingly simple steps:
- Show up and choose to be present
- Pay attention to what has heart and meaning
- Tell the truth without blame or judgment (important to distinguish judgment as criticism vs. critical analysis)
- Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome.
Really, these could be instructions for coaches, attorneys, parents, negotiators, anyone responsible and under duress. I will be elaborating on each step in future postings.
Live Chat on Essential Coaching Skills for Managers
Join Linda Miller of The Ken Blanchard Companies for a live, online chat today at 10:05 a.m. Pacific Time. Miller, Global Liaison for Coaching at The Ken Blanchard Companies and a Master Certified Coach, will be answering questions immediately after her webinar on Essential Coaching Skills for Managers.
To participate in the online discussion, stop back here at at 10:05 a.m. Pacific Time. Try to arrive early because it may be crowded–over 1,900 people have registered for the event!
PS: There is still room for last minute participation in the webinar. It’s free and registration is available online at:
http://www.kenblanchard.com/News_Events/Conferences_Events/?id=194
Economist Proves that Investing in People Pays
Quick heads up. One of my all time favorite resources, Lori Bassi, an economist , just announced a new series of webinars. All of her work essentially proves that companies that invest in their people do better at the bottom line, even in these tough times. Read more about it at her website: http://www.mcbassi.com/. Read more »
What Not to Do (2)
We are continuing with the original line of inquiry from a previous post: fatal flaws or career ending mistakes I have observed in my coaching clients.
Number Two Error: Over Functioning.
One client nearly tanked a career because she over functioned. She developed the strategic skills needed for her senior position, but was a terminal micromanager of her people, needing to have her finger in every pie. Result:
- Her people felt she didn’t trust them and were driven crazy by her (often) last minute meddling and call for changes.
- She was exhausted from working too many hours, and was less than stellar at the parts of her job only she could do.
To card carrying members of Control Freaks Anonymous everywhere and you know who you are: cut it out before you get sick or fired. Marshall Goldsmith, in his very useful addition to the literature on the subject, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (Hyperion, 2007) calls this out as the second of twenty habits that keep people from progressing in their careers. Dr. Goldsmith characterizes it as the need to “add too much value,” and describes the overwhelming desire to add ones twist to every single discussion.
Of course, successful people become successful by adding good ideas, finding great answers and staying with problems until the best possible outcome has been reached. Habits that have made us successful are the hardest habits to break. The key is learning when to trust others, even if they are doing it in a way that you might not. Learn to recognize when something is good enough. Just because it isn’t your way doesn’t mean it isn’t great.
Next time you want to add your two cents just because you have two cents try this:
- Take a deep breath.
- Smile.
- Say “that’s very good” looking thoughtful and impressed. Keep smiling.
- SHUT UP and walk away.
The shutting up part is the hardest, but I guarantee the sky won’t fall. Try it and let me know how you do.
More on over functioning next week. You know who you are.
What Not To Do
Recently a new client asked me what fatal flaws or career affecting mistakes I have seen in my 20 years of coaching people. What a great question! As coaches we are often so focused on strengths and success behaviors that we neglect critical errors not to make. After all, success is doing all the right things but also not doing wrong things.
My first realization is that I have had the great good fortune to work with mostly wildly successful people. It seems to be a truth that people who hire coaches tend to be successful people. I think this is true not because coaches are so great, but because people who work with coaches are committed to being thoughtful – conscious and intentional – about their conduct.
Number one error I have witnessed: Willful disregard of current reality.
In one rather dramatic (to me) case I was working with a senior guy in finance at a large conglomerate. He was desperately angling for the CFO position even though he had been told in no uncertain terms by his current CFO (his boss), and his CEO that he was not going to be seriously considered. They told me the same and I relayed the feedback to him. He nevertheless refused to hear it, and continued to build his case. We focused the coaching on other goals: personal balance/health and writing/presentation mastery. The coaching kind of meandered because he didn’t want to discuss his real goal with me because he felt I didn’t believe in him, that I didn’t believe he could be CFO. I made it clear that it wasn’t my opinion that mattered, but that he needed to work on the opinions of the CEO and current CFO. He was blind to the realities. Looking back at all the clients I’ve worked with, I would say that willful disregard of reality is a critical error to avoid. I am all for dreaming and creating possibility but only insofar as it is informed by what is clearly true right now.
The thinking about this topic reminded of a really great book I’d forgotten about, by author Sydney Finklestein. It is called Why Smart Executives Fail: and What You Can Learn from Their Mistakes. The thing I love about it is that it is research based and focuses on people who have enough admirable qualities to get really far before they shoot themselves in the foot – people who have reached VP level and higher in organizations or who have become famous for their talent. Another good thing about the book is how well it illustrates those admirable qualities or strengths can be a double edged sword. Confidence and willingness to take risks is a hairs breadth from arrogance. Will you know when you’ve crossed the line?
Finklestein boils things down to seven habits – what he calls The Seven Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful Executives. Take a look and see if you are at risk for any of the behaviors in the list:
The 7 Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful People:
- They see themselves and their companies as dominating their environments.
- They identify so completely with the company that there is no clear boundary between their personal interests and their corporations’ interests.
- They think they have all the answers.
- They ruthlessly eliminate anyone who isn’t completely behind them.
- They are consummate spokespersons, obsessed with the company image.
- They underestimate obstacles.
- They stubbornly rely on what worked for them in the past.
More discussion on this topic to come. Comments welcome.
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