Hoarding Information
I think we’ve all heard about the TV show on hoarding. I haven’t seen it, but I have known a few people who are hoarders. What a mess, at so many levels. What challenges it causes, for so many people.
Recently, while facilitating a meeting, someone commented about a leader who seemed to be hoarding information. My ears perked up (not to imply that I hadn’t been listening before, of course). What a concept: hoarding information. What a mess, at so many levels. What challenges it causes, for so many people.
Then, I started to wonder if I hoard information. Yuck. I think I do.
- I definitely have information in my computer that people might be able to use. Yes, we have sites where we can share information, but how often do I upload to them?
- I definitely have information in my head that people might need. Yes, I’m willing to answer questions when asked, but am I proactive enough to be sharing in anticipation of what they’ll need?
- I definitely have resources that would be useful to others. Yes, I’m willing to share when approached, but am I thinking about resources my team members might need before they ask?
What causes this hoarding of information? I came up with a number of possibilities, none of which are attractive. One possibility is fear. If I share, then others will know what I know, and they might be better than me. Another possibility is insecurity. If my team members meet some of the people who have been useful to me, then the team member might be liked more than me. Another possibility is lack of confidence. If I develop my people by sharing useful information as a way of developing my team, they may excel and be promoted ahead of me.
Get my drift? Not a pretty picture. What a mess, at so many levels. What challenges it causes, for so many people. Slap, slap. It’s time to get over myself, deal with the fear or whatever it is, and do what leaders are supposed to do: motivate, inspire, develop others, and definitely not hoard information. That means sharing as much information as I can, keeping people informed, and thinking about what’s best for them, not just about what’s best for me.
Who Do You Aim To Please?
Throughout the course of our lives, we’re constantly trying to impress someone.
As kids, we want our parents to be proud of us. We want our friends to think we’re cool. We want our teachers to think we’re smart.
As we get older, we still want our parents to be proud of us. We still want our friends to think we’re cool. And now, instead of teachers, we want our colleagues and clients to think we’re smart.
Then, one day we wake up and realize we’re spending most of our waking hours trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. We’re spending more time trying to make everyone else happy than we are on meeting our own needs. We’re not necessarily unhappy, but we’re unfulfilled.
Depending on how we choose to look at it, that unfulfilled feeling can be a blessing or a curse. We can either let it spiral out of control into a deep depression or, hopefully, we can choose to use it as a wake up call.
To determine if your life needs a slight course correction, ask yourself the following questions:
“Whose life am I living?”
You only have one life to live, you might as well make it your own.
“Am I being selfish enough?”
You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.
To have any chance at spreading sustained happiness to others, it’s vital to make sure that YOU are happy. From time to time, do a check-in to make sure that YOUR needs are getting met so that YOU are able to continue to meet the many needs of all the important people in YOUR life.
On-Boarding: How to Shorten Ramp-up Times for Employees
Join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a complimentary webinar and online chat beginning today at 9:00 a.m. Pacific Time (12:00 noon Eastern).
Madeleine Homan-Blanchard, coauthor of Coaching in Organizations and Leading at a Higher Level will be discussing three strategies for getting people off to a fast start in a new role in a special presentation of On-Boarding: How to Shorten Ramp-up Times for Employees.
The webinar is free and seats are still available if you would like to join over 600 people expected to participate. Immediately after the webinar, Madeleine will be answering follow-up questions here at The Coaching Source for about 30 minutes. To participate in the follow-up discussion, use these simple instructions.
Instructions for Participating in the Online Chat
- Click on the LEAVE A COMMENT link above
- Type in your question
- Push SUBMIT COMMENT
It’s as easy as that! Madeleine will answer as many questions as possible in the order they are received. (Be sure to press F5 to refresh your screen occasionally to see the latest responses.)
We hope you can join us later today for this special complimentary event courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies. To register, visit On-Boarding: How to Shorten Ramp-up Times for Employees
Going Beyond “Why”
What is your first response when someone asks, “Why did you do (or not do) ________________?
Do you defend your actions or pull away from the person? Most of us do.
When I have asked a why question, many times the response has come from a defensive perspective. For example, I asked my son why his math assignment was not completed. His immediate response was a scowl and defensive attitude as he stated he was working on his science homework. My son’s demeanor changed due to the “why” question I asked him. As a coach, I immediately realized I should have asked a more appropriate question that encouraged open communication such as “What caused you not to have your math assignment completed by now?” By eliminating “why” in the question, my son would not have perceived me as being judgmental and would have openly shared his reasons for his science homework taking so long, which caused a delay in his math homework. As a result, the lines of communication would have been open for additional understanding, problem-solving, and future actions.
I recently attended an ICF chapter meeting and the speaker presented on powerful questions. The speaker emphasized the impact of “why” questions. As I learned in coaching school and through personal experiences, the speaker reinforced that “why” questions come from judgment, promote defensiveness, create separation, and focus on explaining rationale. “Why” questions simply do not contribute to effective conversations.
Effective communication leads to growth, progress, and partnerships. Reframing “why” questions into “what,” “how,” or “when” questions leads to open and productive communication. It is important to be aware of the impact of “why” questions, which can move a conversation backward creating separation.
Pay attention how often you start with a “why” question and the impact it makes.
Paying Attention
Like a lot of people, I spend a fair amount of time reading my favorite blogs and following friends and colleagues on sites like LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter. I have even been guilty of reading emails or texting while on the phone (not my proudest moment, for sure). In this age of communication, with such a wide variety of technology available, doesn’t it seem unusual when you encounter someone who doesn’t really use it? Perhaps a better descriptor is the “age of distraction”? Because, honestly, I can’t say that the quality of my communications has improved, but the frequency certainly has.
With this in mind, I was in the audience of a meeting where Margie Blanchard shared how she begins her day. She told us that each morning, she asks herself four questions:
- What am I excited about?
- What am I proud of?
- What am I thankful for?
- Who loves me and who do I love?
The self-reflection from paying attention to these four questions, gives her perspective and clarity in her interactions throughout the day. Listening carefully to discover how these four things might be important to others builds trust and rapport over time. It’s no wonder that paying attention is a key step in building a coaching relationship with team members. The questions are simple, but I have found that in thinking about them, my communications have become more intentional and helped me rediscover the joy of thoughtful solitude…even though I am still tempted to tweet about it.
Creme brulee and leadership point of view
I am a foodie. I avidly watch the “The Next Food Network Star”, not only for the amazing food each chef makes, but to watch the growth and development each contestant achieves over time. One of the things that make the final four contestants successful is the ability to articulate their point of view. In this case, the POV is about who they are, what food they cook and why. Being a leader is similar to being a contestant. A leader must know who they are, and what they stand for in order to get others to follow.
At Blanchard, we know that a leadership point of view can be developed. All the ingredients are already present in each of us. We just need to sift, mix, and blend those elements together. Ask yourself “Who inspires me? What are my core values? What do I believe? “ Do the work to think through the recipe that is uniquely YOU, and like the Sandwich King (my personal favorite) or the spicy Mexican chef (another contender), you will discover that the more you know yourself, and are true to yourself, the clearer will be your leadership point of view.
My LPOV is like Creme Brulee – simple ingredients transformed into something satisfying and elegant. What ingredients are in your point of view and what masterpiece will you create?
Make a PACT
Remember the One Minute Manager? Well, as his reputation grew for being so effective, so did the demands on his time. He was beset with requests for more speaking, for more leading, for more dinner appearances. Between his relentless travel schedule and the growth of his company, he found that his waist was growing, too. Success was really taking a toll on his health and sense of well being! How’s that for irony?
Twenty five years ago Ken and Margie Blanchard, along with DW Edington, helped the One Minute Manager “get fit” in a publication now entitled “The One Minute Manager Balances Work and Life.” Certainly the book is filled with great suggestions for assessing and improving physical health and fitness. But the authors go beyond the physical, and have tucked into the book a real coaching gem: the PACT model.
When feeling out of balance, it is helpful to evaluate what is really important. When you re-commit yourself to what really matters, you can return to equilibrium more efficiently. That was what the One Minute Manager needed…not “just” to lose weight, nor to learn to endure more stress. He needed to see what would be BEST for him, and to keep those factors in mind and in practice.
What constitutes “best?” Well, after assessing the responses from 300 interviewees regarding the factors which contribute to a “best time in life” experience, Margie Blanchard noted four themes: Perspective, Autonomy, Connectedness, and Tone. In an acronym: PACT.
- Perspective helps you appreciate what’s important and what’s not important in your life. Your perspective is informed by your mission, or purpose, or vision—can you name yours? What is your sense of spirituality? What do you stand for?
- Autonomy helps you determine how much control you have in your life. Are you exercising your choices and options? Are you honing your skills? Is your schedule running you, or have you a sense of “time mastery?” What is your identity, apart from your titles at work or in your family?
- Connectedness helps you determine where your support reserves are. Do you have quality relationships? Do you engage in activities with like-minded folks? Do you have friends in your workplace? In your neighborhood?
- Tone is about your physical health. One dozen questions are listed in the book, including: Are you within 5 pounds of your ideal weight? Do you get 6 to 8 hours of sleep each night? Engage in aerobic and strength-training exercises? Drink fewer than 7 alcoholic drinks per week? Do you eat breakfast?
As you consider the PACT model to support your best, begin with tone, because it is the easiest of the four to assess, quantify, and then measure your changes in behavior. Additionally, you can attend to the other themes as you improve your tone. For example: expand your connectedness by joining a weight loss group. Increase your sense of autonomy by choosing to get up early 3x a week and run. And when you arise, quietly welcome the day so as to expand your perspective.
The benefit of the structure of the PACT model is that it helps individuals get through hard times, and enjoy good times, with greater ease. Is it time to understand and practice your PACT?
Unplugged
I recently spent seven days on a deserted island with just my husband. No children, no family, no friends, no cellphones, no iPhone, no blackberry, no computers, no internet, no TV. No work projects that make us feel guilty that we said we would do but don’t. This is the 6th year we have done this, we try to do it every year but with work and four kids, sometimes we just can’t swing it. We walked, we read, we paddled around in the water, my husband played his guitar. We did some light snorkeling. When we walked, we talked. About our kids – we have four 22,19,14 and 12, all of whom need something different from us. About our jobs – we work together and we work constantly- about our health, about our disappointments and dreams. How we are different today that we were 6 months or a year ago. How we are growing, how we would like to grow. We always have a few epiphanies. This year I realized that I had let my work dictate my schedule and that my health is suffering because of it. Now, some folks don’t have a choice in this area, but I specifically built my life so that I would, so it is completely my own doing. How is it possible that I had not seen this? I needed some distance.
The jury is out on the topic of what this modern 24/7 connectedness is doing to our brains. I am quite certain it is making us smarter in a lot of ways, and that my children’s brains will literally be wired differently from my own. But I do know this for sure: taking seven days to completely unplug is one of the healthiest things you can do to refresh yourself and get some perspective. If you are married, doing it with your spouse will result in a healthier marriage. You don’t have to go anyplace fancy or expensive. It is really hard to get coverage for work and kids but it is so worth it. Nobody died because I didn’t answer my phone for seven days. No, a four day weekend won’t do it. If you give yourself permission, and save up vacation days, you can actually do it.
How do YOU receive feedback?
Much of coaching and training around the topic of “feedback” focuses on how to give feedback. What about receiving feedback? Recently, I was facilitating a conversation between Max and Morgan. Max was giving feedback to Morgan. Morgan quietly listened and then asked questions for clarity and understanding. All was going well. As the coach, I was proud of Morgan, and I was confident the conversation would end with both parties feeling good about the “clearing of the air.”
Then something happened. Morgan started questioning the credibility of the feedback. What concerned me was not whether the feedback was true. I was concerned that Max would walk away thinking the conversation was a waste of time and energy.
Following the feedback session, I had a meeting with Morgan. During the conversation, I shared something I believe about receiving feedback – “Perception is more important than the truth!” Perception is reality. I also shared three simple guidelines to receiving feedback:
- Listen – be completely present to hear what is being said
- Reflect back – repeat back the feedback that was shared (letting the person know you heard what was said)
- Say “Thank you.”
Morgan was cordial and appreciative (I think), then said, “I wish you would have shared the guidelines before the meeting!” Hmm, feedback for me?! I replied, “You are right! I should have set you up better before the feedback was shared.” She replied, “Yes!” I responded, “Thank you!”
Are You Draining Your Swamp or Whacking Alligators?
Toward the end of a recent coaching engagement with a client, I asked what he had gained from our time together. He was very kind with the things he shared, and then he finished with a comment that caused me to laugh out loud and to think deeply. He said, “Even though I don’t always like it, thank you for pushing me to drain my swamp rather than just letting me whack alligators.”
As I pondered his statement, it really made me think about how often we spend our time whacking alligators. If I’m honest, it’s fun to whack those alligators. I even brag about them to my friends and co-workers. But, what if….
What if the alligators are the small decisions and the swamp is the bigger decisions? We need to shift our focus to the bigger decisions, which make the smaller ones much easier.
What if the alligators represent the urgent decisions and the swamp represents the important? The urgent can consume all of our time. Shifting to the important is important!
What if we do indeed drain our swamps? What happens to the alligators? (That was my husband’s question when he reviewed this posting. I think it’s a very interesting one!)
There are so many things to think about with this metaphor. Thinking isn’t action, though, so it’s time for me to push myself to drain my swamp.
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