The other day, I casually mentioned to my husband, “Wow, I think I’ve lost of few pounds.” I thought I might get an ‘attaboy’ or some other kind of positive feedback (trust me on this, weight loss in my case is always a good thing). No. What I got was “really, I think I’ve put on a few, we really need to back on The Zone again.
Hey. What about me? When did this conversation become about you?
My husband is actually a lovely human being with advanced communication skills and more than average generosity but he’s still human. He isn’t in ‘coach’ mode so he’s not really paying attention to me per se, he is swimming around in his own fish bowl, paying attention to what is on his radar screen right now. Which is true of most people, including your manager.
A coach is the person who will always be listening for what’s important and relevant to you. A coach will respond to a remark you make about yourself with a clarifying question, a strong connection to something else they have heard is important to you or a positive support message.
A coach is the one person in the world you can depend the keep the conversation about you, so you can stay focused on what important.
Everybody can use a conversation like that on a regular basis!