3 classic basics of coaching – proven to get results

I have the privilege and honor to coach many different types of people. In fact, as a coach I often coach informally with colleagues, friends, and family members. People seem to call me when they need support, when they are upset, when they need to be talked down off a metaphorical ledge.
Yesterday I answered the phone thinking I was going to have one conversation, and ended up having a completely different one. A colleague was extremely upset about a particular situation where she felt powerless. She knew things might not go her way and she recognized that she needed to shift her perspective, but was really stuck in the hurt. Last week a colleague called me needing a sounding board. She was super angry and knew that any actions she might take “in the moment” could be a mistake.
Last night my teen-aged daughter came home shaking with anger at the unjust treatment one of her friends faced from a teacher. In every instance three basic coaching skills came into play with incredible results.
1. Listen. It is astounding and continually amazing to me how the simple act of giving someone your full and undivided attention – listening at the cellular level – can have such a profound effect. It seems like we are all starved to be “seen” and “heard” by other humans. Never underestimate the power and value of listening.
2. Acknowledgement – yes, people need and want to be heard but they also want to know that someone “gets” why they feel the way they feel. This isn’t’ about agreement or complicity in the feelings being felt. It’s about “yes I see/hear/feel that you are happy/sad/angry”. An acknowledgement is an affirmation that you, the coach, recognize and understand another’s worldview, if even for those moments that you are coaching.
3. Belief – Ah, the beauty of believing with your client in the possibilities. Perhaps the possibility of calmness and rational thought. Maybe the belief that things WILL get better. Or the belief that your client has tremendous value in the world. Belief is the real and honest conviction that the goal CAN be achieved, the shift CAN be made, the outcome WILL be the desired one. Belief is a powerful thing and it’s a gift we give our clients every time we coach them.
Coaching is amazing. With these simple and elegant (but not always easy!) tools, we make a different in people lives. How great is that???!!!

3 thoughts on “3 classic basics of coaching – proven to get results

  1. Pingback: Five Blogs – 26 February 2014 | 5blogs

  2. Great post; I think your three basics are absolutely right. I also do mediation and the 3 apply equally there. I had a classic example yesterday of just how important and powerful an acknowledgement was for one of the parties concerned. It was a real defining moment and I do hope the other party has learnt from that.

  3. While Coaching, my experience is that We need to LISTEN & NOT HEAR. The other person seeking attention / help will figure what we are really doing. Unless Listened to & Believing in is done properly, all attempts to coach will fail. we need to be Genuine and also show that.

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