I am sure no one wants to fail. Failing is not pretty or fun. I know if I fail at something what usually follows is a feeling of disappointment and shame. The speculated thoughts of what others are thinking about me clouds my mind. I mentally beat myself up. This feeling is unpleasant and very distracting. Have you ever experienced these feelings?
For example, I was coaching a senior manager who expressed she no longer wanted to continue the coaching engagement. The coaching, which I interpreted “I,” was not meeting her expectations and she needed something different. My internal voice immediately yelled, “You failed! You are not a skilled Coach! You will not have another executive assignment again! You did not meet your client’s expectation!” My internal voice was beating me up! Of course, I had to get a handle on it while speaking to my client.
As a coach, I know clients are not always open to coaching, expect the coach to be more of a consultant, and may resist action/accountability. I also know my role as a coach is to ensure clients have a clear understanding of coaching and to design the coaching relationship in the beginning. Even if I followed every detail in creating a perfect coaching relationship (note the word ‘perfect’ – nothing is perfect!) and it appears to be unsuccessful, my internal voice will tell me I failed.
I know the key is to quiet the internal negative voice and learn from the experience. In the above example, I responded to the client with questions such as “What do you need to move forward? What do I need to do differently to serve you?” During our discussion, I believe we both learned from this experience and gained increased self-awareness that will lead to professional growth.
Through my training as a coach and hearing and reading Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability, I know with confidence that one must fail to grow. One must be vulnerable and courageous knowing there will be unsuccessful times. What sets the strong from the weak are those who brush themselves off when they fall, look for the learning, and are willing to jump in again.
Note…I am being vulnerable with sharing this story. I am quieting my negative self talk about how others may be judging me as they read this blog and choosing to think about how my story may help others. I am brushing myself off and jumping in.